Let’s “self” talk…

My previous blog went out with a message stating my goal of five posts this week.  This is, quite noticeably, only my second.  Sometimes life is like that:  We envision one reality but life brings us another.  

I used to struggle with situations like this.  I would mentally beat myself up for not meeting my self-imposed goal.  I would berate myself with comments like “others were counting on you” and “wow, couldn’t even type a few paragraphs?  Why were you so lazy today?”  None of those comments served me well.  All they did was make me feel worse for my perceived limitations.

It took a lot of work for me to change my inner voice to one of love and acceptance.  I am thankful for people around me that have listened and supported me as I’ve grown.  I was reluctant at first.  I told myself the same things you might say when others attempt, unsuccessfully, to bolster you up through hard times.  Things like:  “They don’t understand. I had a goal and I didn’t make it.” Or “This is ridiculous. I should be able to [insert your situation].”  You might even be guilty of thinking “Thy don’t know what they’re talking about!” I know I have said it.

None of those thoughts help though.  All they do is drive one to anxiety and even depression.  That’s why we need to change the internal narrative.  It takes work.  Most of us aren’t good at providing positive feedback to ourselves.  

That all brings me back to my current dilemma.  I set a goal:  five posts this week, one for each weekday.  I’ve written two and its Friday.  Goal not met.  We know the response i would have given this in years past.  Fortunately, I now know a secret:  It’s ok to not make all of my goals.  As long as no one is harmed by missing one here and there, it’s okay.  I can now tell myself to “try again next week. You’ve had a lot going on this week.”  This type of positive personal commentary is so much more healthy than my previous way of reacting.  Give it it a try.  Next time you “fall short,” be kind to yourself.  Be understanding.  Provide yourself a bit of grace to be human and make mistakes.  Then, once you’ve mastered the skill and have learned to treat yourself with kindness, begin doing the same with others.